Pieces

Sometimes it seems as if the pieces of my life will never come together again. One of the side effects of trauma and pain is that we fragment. The core of our minds and souls are shattered from the horrific nature of what we experienced. The truth that this is not how things are supposed to be becomes a glaringly obvious concept that we can no longer ignore. The truth is that once this foundation is shaken and demolished, you can’t just pick up where you left off, you can’t just get over it. The broken pieces of your life won’t just magically reassemble. Even when you’ve healed for the most part and things are better than they were, it doesn’t take much to remind you that those invisible wounds run deep into the core of you.Those broken pieces converged with the deepest parts of you and they will always be with you. The goal is to mend the broken pieces into something resembling you. The first part of this process is awareness. If you don’t know or believe how deeply embedded  those broken pieces are in your life, the journey to becoming whole is much harder. The longer it takes to recognize and begin to heal, the more layers have to be uncovered before you can get at the core wound. One thing people who have experienced trauma and pain are good at, is learning how to survive with gaping wounds. We learn what to show to the world and we learn to hide our pain. The layers upon layers that cover those deep hurts contain their own pain and areas needing healing. That is the nature of surviving after trauma. If you can’t figure out how to compartmentalize your pain, you don’t survive, you die or go crazy. Uncovering the different compartments, the shattered pieces that use to be whole inside your soul, is a daunting and extremely painful journey. This is another reason why people do not understand why we can’t just “get over it and move on.” If it were that easy, everyone would be whole and the world wouldn’t be made up of the walking wounded! However, this painful and difficult trek is necessary to restore and heal the brokenness inside of you. There is no healing without pain…just think of when you have to pour alcohol on an injury to “clean” the wound! That is a very painful process, but the pain eventually dissipates leaving a healing wound in it’s place. This is the only way to understand the process of healing from trauma and pain. You have to understand those broken pieces in order to heal them and put yourself back together again. The beauty of the healing process is that even if you have to walk it alone on this earth, you are never truly alone! That is the grace and mercy of God. He is always right next to you, collecting your tears, remembering your pain, and strengthening you when you can’t go on anymore. The journey to mending the broken pieces of your life is painful enough without trying to do it without God. The beauty of the cross is the knowledge that Christ has walked through hell, experiencing everything that could ever happen to us, and he arose victorious! This knowledge, and the truth that He is ever by your side even when you are “alone” is encouraging. If God has been there, is counting and holding your pain and your tears, has successfully overcome the grave, and is walking beside you as you walk through your own hell, nothing can stop what God is doing in your life! Cling to Christ when you can’t go on anymore, He always gives you the strength to keep fighting to the end. The pieces eventually heal, and grow back into a stronger, more resilient version of who you are.
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